Dear Diary: Dodging balls in a bella swan way

Dear Diary, Dear Reader, ♡

I genuinely, deeply despise sports class. You guys have NO idea.

Ever since senior year started, they decided to merge our PE classes so we now have to play alongside the guys. For the last couple of years, we had a girls-only class and it was actually fine, but our principal had the "BRILLIANT" idea that co-ed sports would somehow build unity. Spoiler: It does NOT. Truly, big thanks to our principal for this one... though honestly, I already can't stand him because he does absolutely NOTHING while his assistant carries the entire school on her back (she's a queen- we stan her).

Anyway—back to sport class. Playing sports with guys is PURE survival. They take it way TOO seriously, hitting the ball with full force like their LIVES depend on it, and I’m out here ducking for safety every two seconds. The absolute worst part is when the ball comes anywhere near me. I just stand there, frozen, while they start yelling stuff like "GIVE ME THE BALL!" across the gym. 

"Like here dude!" 

I feel always so overstimulated.

The awkwardness of holding the ball for two seconds while everyone stares is freaking CRAZY. You guys could probably feel my awkwardness through the screen. I can literally feel sweat dripping down my forehead and rolling down my back just thinking about sport-class. I genuinely feel like Bella Swan just trying to survive gym class. In fact, I’m not even joking—I am her right now.

I’m literally counting down the days until graduation, wish me luck surviving next week's class.

xoxo NotLee 💌

 

I‘m FINALLY back

Dear Diary, dear reader.

Hello. It’s been a while. 

Currently writing this blog during my geography class, which is probably not the most productive thing I could be doing right now… but honestly, I have more important things to worry about. Like updating you, obviously.

I’m sorry I didn’t write anything in the last couple of days. Life has been a little hectic and I had one of the biggest exams of this semester yesterday.

A two-hour chemistry exam. And it counts for 50% of our grade. Yes. Fifty. Percent.

AHHHHH. I genuinely died.

Like, I went into the exam thinking, okay, I studied, I know this stuff, I can do this. And then I opened the paper and immediately questioned every single life decision that had led me to that classroom.

It was HARD. Like actually hard.

But… I think it went well? At least I hope it did. There were definitely some questions where I just sat there thinking, What exactly am I supposed to do with this information? Especially the electrolysis questions. Why is electrolysis like that??

But overall, I think I did okay. I don’t want to get too confident because November is apparently when we get our grades back but I’m feeling a bit optimistic. At least it’s over. That is literally all I wanted.

Also, I have to tell you something:

People were eating DURING the exam.

During a TWO-HOUR CHEMISTRY EXAM. Like, full-on snacks. crunchy snacks.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting there trying to remember everything I know about electrolysis, and someone nearby is casually having lunch.

Maybe they knew something I didn’t. Maybe the secret to academic success is simply bringing a bag of chips. (man, I wish I had a free bag of chiupssss.)

I guess we‘ll never know. (Kanye reference lol)

Anyway, enough about chemistry before I start having war flashbacks...

---

I think I made a friend?!

Okay, so.

I have one class where I’m with a completely different group of people — art class.

And on the first day, I noticed there was another girl who, like me, wasn't with her friends.  We were basically the two girls sitting there with absolutely no ONE.

So naturally…

She sat next to me.

And somehow, we started talking.

She was actually really shy at first, which is probably why I felt like I had to do what I always do and completely overshare within approximately five minutes of knowing her.

You guys know me...

I physically CANNOT have a normal amount of information about myself. But apparently it worked because she opened up really quickly too, and we just… clicked?

And then came the most beautiful friendship origin story imaginable. 🥹🥹

She told me she was in the same class as this one guy - someone I haven't even brought up on here yet, but trust me, he's a whole freaking story.

And I was like, Oh. I cannot stand him.

And she literally went:

“ME TOO.”

GIRL.

I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE UNDERSTOOD IN MY LIFE.

Apparently, god really said, here. Have a friend. You can bond over your mutual hatred of this one specific person.

So obviously I had to explain why I don’t like him and all the unnecessary drama he started.

And yes.

This is where I told her about how he called me a whore.

Which is especially funny considering I literally DO NOT leave the house half the time, but okay???

Sir, I am probably the LEAST whore-like person you could have chosen.

Anyway, she completely understood why I hated him, and somehow that conversation turned into us talking about everything.

I swear, some friendships take months to develop, and then sometimes you meet someone and within one conversation you’re like,

Oh. You’re my person now.

And I think that’s what happened here.

We’ve already had lunch together, and we’re getting lunch again on Friday (tomorrow), which I’m actually really excited about ♡

It’s such a small thing, but I’m really happy I met her.

Maybe senior year won’t be so terrifying after all.

Maybe I’ll actually make some memories worth remembering.

Maybe I’ll even SURVIVE chemistry.

(Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.)

For now, I’m just happy.

Happy that this exam is over.
Happy that I have someone new to sit with in art.
Happy that Friday is coming.

Life has been feeling a little different lately.

In a good way.

Anyway, I should probably stop before this turns into A freaking NOVEL. Thank you for sticking around even when I disappear for a few days ♡

I promise I’ll try not to vanish again.

No promises though.

xoxo, NotLee ♡

Dear Diary: Anxiety is killing me

Dear Diary: Senior Year & That Nervous Tummy Feeling ♡

AHHHHHHHHH! Currently screaming into my pillow.

(Sitting on my bed typing this with my alarm set for tomorrow morning... how are the summer holidays already over?!)

I am officially starting my senior year tomorrow, cuties! I thought I was 100% ready to power through this final lap, but as the night creeps in, that familiar, nauseous feeling in my stomach is starting to hit again. You know that exact mix of total anxiety and heavy butterfly knots right before the first day? 

Yeah, that one.

Even though I’m so ready to just finish school and get this entire chapter over with, stepping back into those hallways tomorrow morning is going to take every last drop of my energy 🫠🫠🫠

I’m literally blasting the Rocky soundtrack on full volume right now (not even joking) —because that is genuinely the exact type of hype music I need just to motivate myself to walk through those front doors.

I’m trying to keep my head up and pray I don't end up hiding out in the school bathroom by lunch on day one. We are romanticizing the struggle this year and just trying to survive until graduation!

Are any of you starting school tomorrow too, or are you still enjoying the summer holidays? xoxo, NotLee 💌

- me when I finish the first day in school 

Dear Diary: yearning for autumn

 Not Lee's Laptop

HELLOU CUTIES ♡

Anyone else secretly counting down the days to autumn🍂?

I know, I know... it’s still August! But my heart is already living in late September, and I am so beyond ready for the cozy season to get here. You Guys don't understand!! 

There is honestly nothing better than the thought of crisp sweater weather. Right now, I'm just waiting for the temperature to drop even one degree (it's so hot i feel like I'm melting-send help) so I can pull out my favorite pullovers and comfortable hoodies. 

Autumn just hits completely differently—it's the absolute best time of year to cozy up indoors with a warm drink while watching the leaves start to change.

My fall watchlist is already completely planned out (maybe i'll post it), too! I'm so excited to start my yearly Gilmore Girls rewatch, host a full Twilight marathon (obviously), and queue up all my favorite spooky movies (scary-comedy tbh- i'm freaking scared of horror movies). Counting down the weeks until autumn officially arrives is half the fun, and I'm already romanticizing every bit of it.
Are you already secretly planning your fall watchlist and cozy fits, or are you holding onto summer as long as possible?
- xoxo LiterallyNotLee