Dear Diary: the curse

Dear Diary: the curse of being an avoidant girl ♡

"I love the Smiths."

"Sorry?"

"I said I love the Smiths."

I need to confess something because I know I can't be the only one who does this: I am officially under a curse of being the most avoidant person ever.

It is a non-stop cycle. The second my gut starts telling me a guy likes me (and my gut is 100% always right—do I always listen to it though? No.), I start avoiding him. It doesn't even matter if I "liked" him first or thought about him constantly. I immediately get the "ick" if I get even the tiny hint that he could potentially like me. The literal second he starts showing actual interest (back) I completely shut EVERYTHING down. Like ERROR CONNECT.

All those romantic feelings instantly vanish and my immediate instinct is to dodge his texts and avoid him like crazy.

It’s like my brain has a built-in switch that flips the moment a crush turns into actual reality. If he makes it obvious that he likes me, I immediately start overthinking and panicking and in the end I pull away completely. Maybe I'm just romanticizing the idea of having a crush? I don't know.  

I could never picture myself in a relationship. I don't know why- I just can't.

I feel like if I had a crush and he asked me out, I would immediately say no. I feel like I am Summer from 500 Days of Summer. That is my curse.

Oh and i hate those people that say they hate summer. You just don't get her. 

Does someone out there relates to this or am I actually insane for that? Can a psychology student tell me what's wrong with my brain lol ₊˚⊹♡

xoxo, NotLee 💌

Dear Diary: September

Dear Diary, Dear Reader ♡

 It's finally AUTUMN!!!

I don’t care what the official calendar says—the exact second september hits, autumn has officially begun in my world.

We had a random day off from high school today, and honestly, it couldn't have come at a better time. I decided to spend the afternoon baking a batch of warm cinnamon rolls from scratch. The whole place still smells like brown sugar and cinnamon

September (especially september 1st) always triggers one specific core memory in my brain: it's the exact night Alison Dilaurentis went missing in rosewood. so naturally, the only acceptable way to spend this afternoon is plate up these warm cinnamon rolls, open my laptop, and rewatch pretty little liars from episode one.

Happy autumn!🍁

got a secret, can you keep it? 

xoxo, NotLee